This is one of those days for me where the reality of my desires has made itself known. A subconscious beat that has steadily ticked louder with each strike of the drum until it has drowned out every other thought I have, every requirement that leads to the next phase, this which I speak of has devoured me entirely. It seems a somewhat silly thing, a situation I should not be finding myself in, had I trusted my own instinct in the first place. I want to go back and work on Snow. Revise the areas that I left unchanged even though I felt frustration in not doing what I felt was the right thing. Imagine having invisible ants moving beneath your skin, that’s the feeling that has spread throughout my body from its core. Chastising myself for allowing years of mixed feedback to skew what I knew I wanted, and rushing headlong so I wouldn’t chicken out on the whole deal, has left me dissatisfied with my own work.
This should never be a problem. The good news? I have an opportunity to correct those errors. There is no need to spend endless amounts of time in self loathing, but there is a dilemma. Do I make these modifications now, prior to writing out Hail? I would prefer that, as I have plans to release the trilogy as one Set to be purchased. That, however, means pushing Hail out to release early next year, instead of early December. My own fault, irritating, but these changes I have been contemplating since before publishing would help tie into, and drive, the remainder of Neva’s story in Hail.
The beauty of self publishing is the ability to modify as I’m planning. Another option, as I’ve been reaching out, is to revise and submit the revised manuscript to be taken up by an Agent, and be cycled through to a Publishing House. That is an enticing thought. Yet, it honestly has to be nearly perfect to get past the “self published” stigma. So many authors have identified many agents (and publishing companies) treating them as though they had an incurable strain of leprosy. That’s daunting beyond belief when considering how difficult it is to get a manuscript even shuffled near a desk, let alone placed on one.
These are my thoughts, my considerations, and my uncertainty. There are people who absolutely love Snow the way it is, but I believe it can go beyond. I am certain I can get it to where it belongs.