The Difficulty of Writing…

I understand, now, why it’s been so hard for me to work on writing this book, Hail. Beyond my health issues, those finally resolved and those to be, beyond work and family. It hurts, this part that I must write hurts my heart for my characters, and for myself. These are pulling from personal experiences and it means reliving these emotions and that…is difficult. Yet, it’s also therapeutic. What better to write than of those things which we ourselves have so keenly felt and experienced? I believe the best possible advice to ever give and receive is to write about what you know. Something that I discovered was that it does not have to be in the same context, as it was presented to me originally.

The thing to love about writing fantasy, or any fiction, is that you can write it in a way that can still be comprehended, can still touch your reader’s hearts, but in an environment of your own making. One that does not have to be exactly as you experienced, yet remain relatable. Writing those things which are most difficult can be beautiful and heart breaking, but those are the most important to write about, in my opinion. It is a hurdle I am working on overcoming, but I do pray it properly translates and my reader’s understand its intent. Personally, when I have read those stories that I have too closely related to, I have been most thankful for. Connection to other people, whether in this real life we live, or the fictional one we read/write is a powerful tool.

This means, at the end, that I am writing, FINALLY. I am making progress, and now feel and understand that I can make it through this part.

Spreading the Word!

Something I’m going to join in on is sharing my books to the public as much as possible. Specifically utilizing the Little Free Library! Hopefully this can help some of my fellow indie authors one way or another, follow this link Here! There is one in my neighborhood and plenty around my area, it’s a wonderful idea that I’m sure others have no doubt heard of, my son has borrowed a book that he truly enjoyed.

Anybody have thoughts they would like to share? Free marketing, you just deposit your books, and it doesn’t hurt to donate to keep the movement going _^!

Snow & News

Snow has been down from Netgalley for almost a week, now. However, it has been made to match the other sites on Amazon, and is Free! This happened over the past week, so if you use a Kindle you can now get Snow for Free on ebook! I plan to leave it as Free on all ebook formats 😊.

Today I have started my work on Hail once more, the story is beginning to weave together. It’s such a rush, working on my book and the words forming their imagery, what’s to come, the knowing! I love it, and I can’t wait to share the conclusion of the Black Ice Trilogy! I am a bit nervous knowing the size will be more than even Blizzard, but that’s not a bad thing. It’s tying that ribbon on the package, finishing touches💗!

Celebrations & Condolences

I wish I was more adept at writing about these things, those which are the most difficult to address. This week has been turbulent, to say the least. Monday I received news I would no longer have to worry about the cancer threat, something I have been battling for 12.5 years. That long, and Monday rolled around that…No more. I was clear, the last test over the past year came back clear. It was a day for utter joy for me! I walked around the halls of the office I work in, in a state of complete bliss. That weight had been lifted, life was wonderful. Tuesday came, I enjoyed my day, had good lunch and conversation with friends and wondered about where a coworker and friend was, thinking how I was glad that one person I could not stand had brought her and another to our company. Ironic, I had mused, that someone I had come to hate knows so many good people, when they themselves are what I consider scum. Still, that thought crossed my mind as I thought about when I would get to speak to this particular friend and coworker whom I had not seen this week.

Wednesday comes, it was a day for me to see another doctor for another set of health issues that I hope to resolve more easily than the other issues. A mandatory meeting invite is sent out, but I’m not in the office to attend in person. No call in number. No notes. I see one of my friends, also a coworker, online and ask her what the meeting was about, and she writes it out so simply, states it so plainly I couldn’t breathe. The coworker I had been thinking about the day before, that happy, young, smiling, laughing, beautiful, sweetheart of a woman…she passed away, Sunday evening. It was a simple sentence, structure straightforward, and yet such a complicated entanglement of emotions and reality it crushed me as I began to undergo the motions for the 5 stages of grief: Denial/isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I’m a little between depression and acceptance, I think. The thought how we had just spoken only a few days before keeps hitting me like a tidal wave, yesterday was my first day back in the office and I couldn’t stand the thought of sitting here at my desk. Her desk is one row over, I see it every time I get up to go Anywhere. It’s that shock and stark realization that is always a subtle understanding in the back of one’s mind: we can die at any time, anywhere. Anyone. So why does it take something such as this to shake us down and demand our attention? To make us look at our friends and family, our loved ones and hold them tight the way we should, call them more, check in, take care in every way?

I was lucky in the fact that I was at home, I was able to be a complete mess and cry in that uninhibited manner. Majority of my coworkers did not have that luxury, they had to go through the day, work, and all feeling/believing they had to contain their sorrow. In these situations, I’m not good at doing that. Aside from firmly believing moments such as those should not be forced down inside, hidden away. That’s simply unhealthy. It’s harmful. Worst part is, when I went to leave, I saw a woman going into the bathroom and for just a split second, the briefest moment, I thought it was her. Such a tiny speck in time, but it snapped against my heart and I had to collect myself, take a moment to remember we would never see her happy, smiling face. Then, the part that is unbelievable despair is the pain her family must be experiencing. No parent should outlive their child, but there it is. Yes, it happens all over the world, all the time. Children of parents lost at any age. I started praying immediately, angry as I was, confused, I had to, personally. Her mother, her family, they need healing that I cannot give. All I can do is offer my condolences and prayers, and be thankful that I knew her even this brief span in life that I have.

A Great Day

That’s what today is: A Great Day! I got a 1 star review from an individual who’s chief complaint was that my book was a lot “grittier and bloodier” than they anticipated! I don’t know if I could ever feel happier about a 1 star review, let alone happy at all, but this did the trick :). I really appreciated that.

I also received some great news for one problem I have had, so today is a day worth celebrating. Years of struggling, testing, surgeries, and I’m clean and clear of this problem at this point. It’s wonderful, and I give thanks to God and to my doctor! While I have some other major issues, I am getting those addressed this week, and praying for quick resolution. Been in quite a lot of pain from this problem, so glad the week is finally here to see my specialist!

What’s making your day great? What Would make your day great?

New Adult Book Club & Progress

Plans have shifted, as they always do, but that’s no complaint! Snow has been bumped up to the RI&RI as of Today through New Adult Book Club :)! Is now posted Here! As always there is that nervous excitement, because you never know how people will react. In the meantime, I started tracking my progress of reading Blizzard. I need to be kept on track! With so much going on outside of needing to read Blizzard, write Hail, and prep it for publishing I’m surprised I’m still in one piece :S! At this pace I’m afraid I will not make my deadline, so this means DOUBLE-TIME! Hahaha Ahhh…yeah.

You know what I love in all this, reading my work after publishing? I capture all the things I have already so swiftly forgotten! It was the same with Snow, but the best part is getting caught up in the story and the characters -^_^-. Truth be told, I’m not sure just how large Hail will be…but I have the feeling it will be significantly larger than the first, and somewhat more robust than the second. I wonder if it’s not too much, but what good would holding back do at this point? Onward it is!


Reading and Hopefully…some writing…soon!

How do writers do it? I mean…I’m published, though Self-Published. It’s not an easy feat to accomplish either way. I did not take easy roads, I made sure to hire an editor, proofreader, formatter, and cover designer-all of these ladies which I Love. But…do other authors look to each and every review and rating? I know I do, it’s like a disease, a poison infiltrating my system. I must stop.
I will continue reading my book tomorrow (I’m so exhausted!) by finishing it in whole, and would like…no…I NEED to get writing on this before July is over :S!

Encouragement & Frustration

Exhaustion, fatigue, disappointments, frustrations, and encouragement. All characteristics of life that spiral into the violent cyclone of life that both destroys and cleans the slate. The amount of health problems I have is ridiculous. Most is minor or simply inconvenient, some is threatening to break my bow. I wonder how other’s consistently manage to break through the worst of it, when all that is visible at times is the lightning strikes between the swelling waves. Yet, I’ve always managed to be an optimist and come out the other side, though on occasion a bit banged up. I make it through. Finding encouragement from within is difficult, even with people at the sidelines cheering you on. Dealing with situations, such as the recent Amazon problem I referenced, never seems to diminish the pile of laundry that grows. Every item taken down, folded, and tucked away neatly always means some other article will replace its wrinkled real estate in the basket.

The mental battles are the hardest, but the physical always brings the mental aspect on board. I’m so tired, all the time, unable to ever get enough sleep. Perhaps the problem is I was meant to be born a Koala? That would make sense. Can be cute and cuddly, or terrifying and vicious =^_^=. For unspeakable reasons this pleases me…

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I can’t seem to get myself in shape to do what it is required to write this last book. I’m reading my own book, and enjoying it when I have the time, but man…life. Kids, work, family, health, life. I can’t call them wrenches, each is a vital component to my structure, but I can point out some don’t always grease the wheels. Some are difficult pieces refusing to work well with the other functioning parts. This has been a regurgitation of my exhaustion and frustration. Lot’s “tions” there, but accurately described.